Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
     Because it was dead!!

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
     Because it forgot to let go of the first monkey!!

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
     peer pressure!

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." So he goes into the bathroom, and twists himself up. And he goes back out to the bar and the bartender says, "Didn't I just tell you we don't serve strings here?" So the string goes back to the bathroom and looks at his frayed ends, and ties himself in a knot. He goes back out to the bar and the bartender asks, "Aren't you the string who was just in here?" and the string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What did the farmer say when he lost his axe?
     Where's my axe?

Say silk five times fast.
     Now what do cows drink?